It All Starts Here.....

2010-07-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

After Amazon paid for their incompetence, (all except for Shannah F.-I love her)by refunding me back twenty dollars and ninety-six cents of my $30.96 order,life is right again.I will likely not ever go back to that site to buy,since their service blows for the most part,but we'll see. Shannah F. may just change my way of thinking.I now have the coveted titles Galaxy Of Terror and Forbidden World,(which sucks),along with 2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams which DVD Empire charged me more for,but managed to get to my doorstep in two days.

Apparently I have to take a defensive driving course as punishment for having 2+ tickets in one year.If I were to write the Fishers Police Dept. a letter,it would go something like this:

Dear Keystone Cops Of Fishers,

I wanted to extend a personal thanks for lurking along the roadsides of the town I pay taxes to live in in your patrol cruiser,and nailing me for driving seven miles over the posted speed limit.It gives me a feeling of security I can't effectively describe,to know that you've always got your watchful eye on citizens like me.

I do realize you fine people feel the need to "crack down" on the law-breakers of our fair town,but don't you think focusing on those who drive with their knees in order to text message while speeding,operate vehicles while inebriated (drunk,if the word confuses you),and generally abuse or flat- out disregard the notion of a turn-signal might be a more constructive way to prevent road hazards?

Just a thought.

Sincerely,Me

In short,cops suck.Until I need one.

Today's Thoughts...

2010-07-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

What kind of bank takes your money,and makes it available three days later? Fuck you, Regions.

Amazon.com officially sucks.After single-handedly screwing up my order multiple times,(including not having my Maniacs/Galaxy Of Terror DVDs delivered on release day,tomorrow)the "customer care representatives" went on to prove that:

A.Virtually no one employed within the company was properly trained.

B. No one was paying attention while being trained.

C.Each employee enjoys putting his/her own spin on things, such as release date,shipping policies,and any other aspects of an order that could fuck the consumer's chances of receiving his merchandise in a timely manner.

In short,don't order from these clowns. DVD Empire is a nice alternative...and I don't get paid to say so.

Dinner with Dad tonite.Yippee! Benihana clone cuisine for all!

Getting my Grand Prix's air flow filter changed today.. hope that's the problem,(the sudden humping motion when driven)but if not,I'm out fifteen bucks,and it needed it anyway.

I need money,and am strapped.I'd go out a pick up five or so DVDs,just to have them.And I'd totally upgrade to a Blu-Ray player,despite my resistance to do so.OK, I said IF I had money!

I'm unnaturally lazy on my days off.funny,I'm so..driven when at work.

Currently,My Thoughts...

2010-07-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

Dying for Code Red DVD to release the never-before-seen (by me,anyway) uncut(yes,I'm a a sucker for that oft-misleading word) edition of "Horror High".I'm also a sucker for infinitely cool artwork,as in the case of the green-tinted DVD cover goodness:

Don't want to go to work tomorrow. Fuck work.

At the age of 27,I should start attending class reunions...but the fact is,if I didn't like you in high school,I probably detest you now because you've had years to learn more annoying ways.

Amazon needs to send me 2001 Maniacs: Field Of Screams and Galaxy of Terror right now. I pre-ordered this shit and I pre-order nothing,because I find myself hanging out at the mailbox every day like a damned dog waiting for a really good scrap.Or calling the company to ask where the hell my goodies are.Electronics stores (Best Buy,I'm talking to you,you fucking losers!)have dropped the ball on carrying quality exploitation titles for years now.

Fuck work.Srsly.

Where My (Golden) Girls At??!!

2010-06-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

I recently heard of Rue McClanahan's(best known as Blanche Devereaux on The Golden Girls,and Thelma's old maid sister, Fran Crowley on Mama's Family) tragic passing.I'm reasonably sure that wherever this talented lady is,she's resting more comfortably than she was on Earth,as she'd been sick for several years.

Lying in bed with my lady,it occurred to me somewhat jarringly that all but one of the Golden Girls has met her maker. Estelle Getty ( brassy Ma/Sophia Petrillo),Bea Arthur,( cynical Dorothy Zbornak,my favorite),and now Rue( slutty Blanche). Such engaging,genuinely funny women with infallible comic timing,and a true-bred class,and aside from perhaps Vicki Lawrence and Carol Burnett,truly irreplaceable.

Luckily old Betty White(ditzy but good-hearted Rose Nylund)is still hanging around,and doing cool appearances from time-to time,like her recent SNL stint.

In any case,thanks for being a friend,ladies.

Things I don't like (Or Hate) That The Rest Of The World Seems To Love. (Hated items will be identified by a star next to them):

2010-06-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

Sports*

Reality T.V.

Cell Phones (BIG one**)

Recreational drinking,(fine with a drink once in a while,but this speaks of personal problems I'd just as soon not delve into)

Gossip tabloids (get a life)

The Office

Family Guy

Country Music

Blue Tooth

Wal-Mart

Names being "given" to kids now (ex: Skyler,Macy)*

Ellen DeGeneres

Stock car racing

Larry The Cable Guy, (goes hand-in-hand w/ stock car racing,an excuse to be a redneck)*

Star Trek

Japanese horror(The Ring was pushing it)

Salespeople who can't sell (so they cheat)*

Harry Potter

Twilight saga

Chick flicks,(no,Sex And The City doesn't count)

Perez Hilton (though I'm pretty sure most of the world actually hates him)

More to come,(I'm sure).

Laziness.Pure And Simple.

2010-06-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

So,I've been floundering at work for the past two weeks, with just under two years of sales experience under my belt, right alongside those who have up to 30yrs + a college degree.

To a certain point,this makes me feel better about the epic failure that is my sales figures for the month.On the other hand,it refreshes my memory as to just how bad the economy really is, with the "old timers" doing as lousy, (more lousy,if I'm not being kind) as I am.Facing down the colorful assortment of wackos I work with is becoming a chore,since cheating has now more than ever begun to figure into the sales crisis.But as it turns out,I kick so much a$$,I can tackle drunken bag ladies,(a.k.a. the coworker)and still sell $499 sofas with the five-year warranty.

I missed out on the Goonies 25th Anniversary Geek- Out in Astoria,Oregon this month,and I'm fucking pissed.What the hell kind of Goonie am I,ignoring such an event?

From the glut of pictures floating around on the web,the seaside soiree looked like a little slice of heaven on earth. Corey Feldman,Sean Astin,Curtis Hanson,(OK,like Troy's dad matters,let's get Kerri Green in here..)and fat-to-wafer-thin Jeff Cohen made an appearance to up the rabid Goonie fandom.And lots of people belonging to the message board I frequent shared sleeping accomodations,and had breakfast together.And there was all sorts to Goonie activities/tours to filming locations,and overall masturbatory cave exploration games going down,designed just for a Goonie-aholic like myself.But did I show?Fuck no.

So I've been too damned lazy to crank out an entry or two to chronicle the stuffs happening in my life. I could argue that things like my heated confrontation with She Of The Super Cuts Hairdon'ts,(an momentous occasion that deserved its own entry indefinitely) has sapped my strength,but we both know it'd be a bullshit excuse.

I did enjoy a blink-and-you'll miss-it trip to Michigan with my lovely wife,camping just off of the northern peninsula on Memorial Day weekend.Damn was that a a long drive! I violated my own hard and fast rule of no cheesedick souvenirs,and bought a tee-shirt at the Mystery Spot/tourist trap in St. Ignace.I liked the color.

That's all for now,I'm honestly not interesting enough to warrant another paragraph. As it is,this bitch probably reads like a novel.

TTFN.

Lee Dewyze,FTW!

2010-05-26T19:58:00.001-07:00

So,I'm the furthest thing from an American Idol junkie. In fact,I really kind of hate it.

In fact, aside from an occasional episode of Hillbilly/Rich Bitch trade-off (a.k.a Wife Swap) to appease my lady,I avoid cable like the plague.

So why did I suddenly become engrossed in a show this season that has literally sickened me for years,(except the try-outs,which always provide a guilty chuckle or three)?I really couldn't say.I saw a few early on with a lot of promise, ( quirky Siobhan with the haunting voice,Katelyn Epperly,who looked like Kate Capshaw as sexy songbird Willie in the second Indy Jones outing,and my man Lee Dewyze).....

Well,I got bored with it several episodes ago,and was watching just for the sake of seeing who got booted out on their ass.. why one-note Mike went home AFTER Siobhan,I can't fathom.I think that's when it became especially intolerable for me,listening to that over-inflated goon dip into different genres, ("In the Ghett-oooo"?OK,really?) and crank out the same exact sound with slightly different pitch.And don't get me started on "Mama Sox",who is actually talented,but the public's stupid names for her make me detest her.

So tonight was the "finale",and honestly a waste of 2+ hours,trotting out tired,silver-haired,beer-bellied has-beens to scream into the microphone in a sad mimicry of their glory days.Alice Cooper,you really need to give the leather studded pants to Goodwill for some EMO punk to enjoy. Janet, (Ms. Jackson,'cause I'm nasty) your jumpsuit from 1991 doesn't fit you anymore,hang it up.

After we were bombarded with syrupy duets,Brady-Bunch-style numbers in private school uniforms (?!)and 10+ goodbyes/tributes to the departing Simon Cowell,(including a pill-fueled rampage by Paula Abdul in a pink party dress 30 years too young for her) finally my man Lee (he's my man because he rocked some seriously great hair, and a gray leather jacket I would kill for-also he's very humble) was announced as the winner.Stinky Bowersox,you've officially been de-throned.

And You,Mr. Dewyze, won't be mixing any paint again for some time.

Hopefully the diminuitive young man won't fritter away his opportunity (and subsequent cash flow) on booze,drugs and skanky chicks.

On second thought,such behavior is perfectly normal for a rising star-have at those hos,Lee!

Watch Where You're Going. Srsly.

2010-05-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

So,I think I broke a couple of toes tonight,at least one for certain. I can't put any pressure on them,even foot-to-carpet for walking purposes. Aside from icing the hell out of my poor lil' piggies,and loading up on Excedrin,there doesn't seem to be a whole lot to do but wait for the bones to mend. Really wishing I had a pair of grandpa-style orthopedic shoes to wear on the sales floor tomorrow,I'm gonna be in misery.Speaking of Misery,it feels kinda like Kathy Bates developed a killer crush on me,and smashed my toes with her sledgehammer to keep me from leaving the house.Except that its like 90 degrees of hot outside,rather than a raging blizzard.And I'm not a published author,(yet).

If it hurts too much tomorrow, you'd best believe I'll be executing a Ferris(Bueller).I don't have any friends with a$$-kicking cars,or have the sights of downtown Chicago at my disposal,but I'd still have a good time.

*Wishes for a speedy recovery(and nurse strip-o-grams) welcome.*

On the plus side,check out this awesome cardigan I scored on Etsy the other nite. I'd been watching it for about a week,had the seller put a hold on it,and snagged it on payday.Who says we shouldn't f***ing remember the 80s (possibly early 90s,not really sure which)?

And no,this isn't me. I will rock it once it shows up in my mailbox,unlike this manorexic dude with his static mannequin pose (seriously-check out that vein work in those itty bitty wrists!).

Yo!

2010-05-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

OK,so I'm so new to this blogging business,its not even funny. You might think a dude in his *koff* late twenties might have tackled something this basic years ago,but the truth is, I'm checking out all of these features and settings,and thinking that they should have taught a course on this in high school.

One required in order to graduate.

Alright,I'm getting carried away already.
So its my first post,if you excuse the one I started in 2007 and didn't bother to publish...and I hope I can get the hang of this,because it seems like a genuinely fantastic outlet in which to vent my daily frustrations.

And there are many. Hoo-boy, are there ever.I am,after all,in sales in the midst of a failing economy. Lets just say the customers are far from being the chief source of my irritation . ;0
I'm listening to Varese Sarabande's 25th Anniversary edition of Dave Grusin's Goonies score,as I do just about every day since its been released.Thought shit would never happen..(don't get me started,its a topic I can (sadly) talk about for hours.

Thank God I'm halfway decent-looking,the way I'm always geeking out over cheesy horror movies, (not to mention a certain pre-teen adventure flick)and background film music.If I looked like those 300lb+ dudes who own and live in their own comic book stores,(like Harry Knowles),I'd shoot myself.Really,I would've ended it years ago.

I need to quit being a lazy,unproductive oaf and bathe.I don't stink or anything..I don't think.

*sniffs armpits*
Nah,still fresh.I don't think I'm actually capable of stinking,come to think of it.